Little Green Footballs

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Charles Johnson defends 'ghetto plan'

Charles Johnson, head of the Lizard Conspiracy service, said the lack of a successful suicide attack since the bombing of Maxim’s restaurant in Haifa on Oct 4 was “an illusory quiet” and unlikely to last.

He brushed aside international concerns, including those of President George W Bush and Tony Blair, that the ghetto, planned to be only a few hundred square miles in size when completed, had led to Palestinian humiliation and hardship. “The ghetto is imperative,” he said.

At the Hicksville Conference, a gathering of the Loony Little Bigots and Loony Big Bigots, Mr Johnson said existing sections of the ghetto, referred to as “the
West Bank” by most Israelis and “the shame” by its opponents, had saved many lives.

“If there had been no ghetto we would be holding this conference after a horrible attack in Yokne’am,” he said. “Palestinians would be free to roam the land and do things like grow olives and engage in commerce like other people. That would be unacceptable. So we have put them in the ghetto, for their own good I might say, in order to calm them down. If they spend a few generations in the ghetto, then those that are left and haven’t committed suicide (attacks) will be docile and accept everything we tell them, like that this whole land is ours and that they are intruders from another galaxy who have no right whatsoever to be here, much less be treated like real human beings.”


Tuesday, December 09, 2003

LGF only tells half the story (as usual)

Charles Johnson posts with glee a link to an article on the Jerusalem Post website, in which it is reported that Indymedia Israel is under investigation for the appearance on its newswire of a Latuff cartoon depicting Adolf Hitler kissing Ariel Sharon (

Interestingly though, Charles doesn't report the other case of graphic 'incitement' being investigated, despite the fact that it makes up the main part of the JPost article. This other case centres around pictures promoted by the pro-settler 'Women in Green' group, "depicting Industry, Trade, and Labor Minister Ehud Olmert stamping products from the territories with a nazi-era yellow 'Jude' Star of David, under the slogan 'Olmert caves in to the EU demands to label Israel's Yesha products.'"

The article goes on to say: "Deputy Internal Security Minister Ya'acov Edri (Likud) strongly condemned the posters and said he hopes the perpetrators are brought to justice.

"I see this as very serious, and I hope and believe the police will apprehend and arrest those behind it and bring them to justice," Edri said.

"When you make an extreme connection like that it is incitement and that is very dangerous," Edri continued. "It is making a clear connotation that Olmert is putting a yellow star on the settlers.""

So, as usual Mr Johnson is happy to condemn one side's 'incitement', but turns a blind eye if the other side does it.

Friday, December 05, 2003

Oh no, they're onto us!

OK folks, we've been found out. Those clever lizards at LGF have figured out who's behind their nefarious nemesis. "V the K" has outed Jean Teasdale, a fictional character from the Onion, as the author of this blog ( Game's up now I suppose. Or maybe not. Hehe. Maybe Jean is just a front for the Tarmigan conspiracy? And "V the K" knows a lot about Tarmigans, doesn't he? Some choice quotes found on a website run by V, that undisputed paladin of political incisiveness:

"1,400 years ago, the Human Galactic Commonwealth -- a family of colonies mankind seeded on 10,000 worlds over two millennia of galactic exploration -- collapsed. Why? No one knows for sure, but according to Legend, humanity's empire was destroyed by a superior alien race called the Tarmigans. This explanation, of course, begs a lot of question which Legend steadfastly refuses to answer. Foremost among them:
Why did the Tarmigans destroy Human Civilization?
How did they manage to destroy so many colonies, without any warning?
Where are the Tarmigans now?"

In other news, readers will be excited to learn that Charles Johnson has won 3rd Best Looking, 2nd Best Overall for his blog in the Warblogger Awards 2003 ( Yes, incest runs rampant in the warblogger family.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

LGF up for an Oscar

Yes, dear readers, our beloved Little Green Foot Balls have scored another victory over the forces of terror: this time, by getting themselves nominated for the 2003 Weblog Awards at ... eh, Wizbang ( Anybody here heard of Wizbang? No? No. No? No, me neither. Sounds like a porn site to me. Wizbang? Wingbiz? Wankbuzz? Oh well, good luck Charles. Sure you'll win. After all, with the field open to such a dizzying array of talent as, eh, Andrew Sullivan (now where have I heard about him before...?), Buzzmachine, Instapundit - basically, the whole range of political opinions from right across the world. Every kind of weblog you can imagine, and right up there with the big boys is our little friend Charlie. Hold tight Charles. We're counting on you to fly the Lizard Flag high!

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Will LGF now take up the cause of lesbian communism?

In a shocking about-face, the slimy green lizards hoist a new and rather unlikely idol onto their plinth of worship, knocking Charles Johnson off in the process. Their new hero is no other than the radical communist and sharp-feathered lesbian icon Julie Burchill (

Burchill, known to many Guardian readers as the scourge of their Saturday morning, claims to be stepping down from her post as shock-columnists on the Grauniad. The fact that her editors have started publicly question whether she really deserves her six-figure salary surely has nothing to do with her decision. No, she is making a principled stand against anti-Semitism, of which she feels the Guardian is a major defender. Well blow me down. Burchill, who rarely has a nice word left over for her fellow human beings and regularly resorts to the crassest of racial and national stereotypes now claims she can see rights through the Guardian's balanced and carefully-worded reporting and discovers it is really all about hating Jews. That, in a nutshell, is the reason she is leaving for the Times. Oh, and don't forget the extra money her new employers are offering her. Taraa, Julie.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

LGF losing its vigilance

Charles Johnson has uncovered another example of French perfidy: a Paris Match photographer taking pictures of an Iraqi resistance group firing a missile at a DHL cargo plane ( The picture appears on Yahoo News. But Charles failed to say anything about the next picture in the slideshow, which shows a nine-year-old Palestinian boy who died in the southern Gaza Strip after being shot in the head by the Israeli army (see below). Presumably you just overlooked that one, eh Charles?

NB: As it now turns out, the boy, Hani Selim al-Rabayah, was not shot by the IDF at all, but by his brother, according to CBC. What is interesting is that, once this became known, the story was suddenly newsworthy to the Little Green Racists: Sudden rejoicing in death and comments a la 'Palestinian shoots Palestinian. All is well, cliches confirmed.' ( Had initial reports of the boy's assassination by the IDF remained true, it would not, of course, have been of interest to LGFers and chief Charles.

Hold the front page, Charles Johnson does it again!

Not content to hunt down superfluous single quotation marks (see item below), intrepid investigator Johnson has now uncovered an instance of NO quotation marks used in a BBC News Online headline ( Well done Charlie! Another hit for the free world. It can't be long now and the BBC will cave in to your demands, release the hostages, broadcast the Brady Bunch 24/7 and cease being the mouthpiece of all things evil. Our insiders at White City tell us the Corporation is already planning a comprehensive surrender, and will change its logo to a slimy green lizard on a white background before the year is out.
Keep it up Charles!

Monday, November 24, 2003

LGF goes after the big ones, investigates single quotation marks

Another example of the tireless way in which Charles Johnson, Mega-Lizardoid of LGF fame, tracks down those responsible for evil deeds across the world and brings them to justice: Today, Charles brings his readers a shocking example of BBC infamy, by exposing the way the 'news' provider used 'sneer' quotes when reporting the 'death' of two 'Israeli' barrier 'guards' ( Says Charles:

"Is the BBC trying to suggest the guards were not actually killed? Sneering at their deaths? Quoting someone? (There’s no quote in the article...) Trying to delegitimize [sic] the deaths of Israelis, or subtly imply that it was deserved?"
Indeed, Charles, this is a horrific example of the way in which Arafat controls the BBC, right down to the way they use single quotation marks to deny Israel the right to exist. Shocking, truly shocking. Luckily, as soon as they read your blog they climbed down and removed the 'sneer' quotes, proving once again that nobody can stand up to the power of a million slimy lizards emailing the BBC complaints department...

...or could it be that the BBC was simply waiting for official confirmation that the two guards had been killed? Who cares, eh? The BBC are lying Islamofascist bastards, everyone (at LGF) knows that.

Friday, November 21, 2003

LGF doesn't like the Baghdad Blogger

Charles Johnson must be pretty frustrated that Salam Pax (aka the Baghdad Blogger) is still around. Having shown himself so ungrateful for the US invasion of his country, and then had the temerity to hook up with the Guardian, Salam Pax must be as close to the blogging anti-Christ as he can get in Charles' world. So Charles delights in a James Lileks post slamming Pax ( Interestingly, Mr J lets his true colours slip through when he calls Salam Pax "anti-American". Avid readers of Pax know that he is nothing of the sort. Rather he criticises the action of certain Americans (politicans, soldiers, right-wing pundits), but certainly not this mythical construct that is Charles' 'America'. But of course criticising CJ's politics is enough to make Pax anti-American - simple as that. Which is why, by that logic, we could justifiably call LGF anti-Muslim, anti-Islam, anti-German, anti-French, anti-British, anti-Swiss, anti-Belgian, anti.... the list goes on.
Hey, remember when Charlie though that Salam Pax was an Iraqi secret agent? For those of you who missed it, here's the posting: So much for Charles Johnson, counter-intelligence agent extraordinaire.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

LGF's Paypal and Amazon links under threat

While we don't approve of efforts to shut down websites like LGF, there is some merit in pointing out to Amazon and Paypal that they are being featured on a site that publishes rabidly racist views.
On the above linked page you'll find a link to an interesting criticism of LGF on

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

LGF can't stand the heat

After apparently more than year of tirelessly discussing with LGF regulars, Charles Johnson has banned 'View from Ireland' because, he claims, s/he tried to derail discussions into silly irrelevance ( There goes one of the last interesting contributors to the LGF message boards. Now LGFers can have cosy chats about all the stuff they already agree on, without interference from people with differing opinions who introduce facts into the discussion and try to go beyond the surface when seeking explanations for the depths humanity sometimes plummets to.

Monday, November 10, 2003

LGF: Publishing hoaxes

Charles Johnson admits that an advert purporting to be from anti-Semitic groups active at Rutgers university is actually a hoax ( One item later he publishes what appears to be another hoax (, claiming to show a real picture taken at an anti-Apartheid Wall demo in Los Angeles.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

LGF: when in doubt, distort

Charles Johnson digs up some interesting stories for his lizardoid minions now and then. Stories they would otherwise not be reading about. Such as the news about the International Day of Action against the Apartheid Wall the Israelis are building ( Naturally, Charles doesn't like the line that the protest groups are taking. So Charles smears the protesters by claiming that, on 9 November, "Terror Supporters [will] Celebrate Kristallnacht". Far be it for us to quibble about the precise terminology employed, but could it be that Charles is stretching his readers' credulity a little far by declaring that peace protesters = terror supporters, and that they are the kinds of people who would "celebrate" Reichskristallnacht? Then again, it all fits into Charles Johnson's mission to distort reality and defame his opponents.
This kind of story is a typical example of Johnson's twisted perception of reality, and should serve as a warning to all those at risk of taking him seriously as a credible witness of current affairs.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Wingnut Debate Dictionary

Slightly off-topic, but here's an interesting compilations of weblog debating slang.

Monday, November 03, 2003

LGF comments function switched off

Last night, Charles Johnson switched off the comments function on his beloved LGF weblog because "every moonbat in the world is flocking to LGF today to make trouble" ( So, while LGFers are happy to spam other sites with their vile comments and scream blue murder when someone dares not to have a comment function at all (, Johnson is ban-happy with anyone who posts a comment he doesn't like and even turns off his comment function altogether when it gets a little bit too much for the poor fellow.

Ahhhhhhhwwwww. Let's all sympathise with Charlie 'double standards' Johnson and his slimy lizard friends.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

And here's one LGF missed...

German member of parliament Martin Hohmann described Jews as "a race of perpetrators" for their supposed role in Russia's bloody 1917 revolution. Idiot. Oh, Charles, if you do get round to writing a post about this, don't forget to mention that Hohmann is a member of the conservative Christian Democrat party, the only mainstream party in Germany to have wholeheartedly supported the US invasion of Iraq.

LGF: Posting without thinking

Charles Johnson highlights ( an interesting piece of news about an EU survey showing that most Europeans believe that the US and Israel are currently the greatest threats to world peace. How can this be? Unthinkable! America and Israel are peace-loving countries who want nothing but good for their fellow nations, aren't they? The fact that Johnson doesn't even attempt to understand why the survey produced this result, but instead calls Europeans "Eurosimpletons" for thinking this way should say something about the fashion in which he analyses world affairs.

Has it passed Johnson by that the USA has intervened militarily in dozens upon dozens of countries all over the world for over a hundred years, often to replace those countries' leaders with ones more favourable to American interests? Doesn't Johnson realise that, while most Europeans are immensely grateful for the fact that the United States helped liberate it from the scourge of fascism in the 1940s, they worry that it hasn't learned the lessons of mass conflict the way Europe has and will continue to use its military might at will - whatever the cost to the rest of the world. Hasn't it occured to Johnson that this survey is a damning indication of the way America is squandering the goodwill of its most obvious allies: the liberal democracies that share the same values of freedom and equality that supposedly underpin America's self-understanding?

Sometimes, Johnson, it's better to ask questions and treat a piece of information with cautious respect, than to tear it to shreds at the first moment because it could challenge your outlook on the world.

The New York Times is evil - or not?

As all LGF readers know, the New York Times is a lair for godless liberal conspiracists, and anything that appears therein is not to be trusted. Except, of course, if it publishes an article that seems to fit the hysterical anti-Muslim mindset that prevails on LGF (

LGF: unable to read posts properly

Charlie Johnson is in full ANTI-SEMITISM! mode again. Linking ( to an article by Victor David Hanson, Johnson declares it a damning column against the "fashionable, thinly disguised antisemitism of European politicians, “intellectuals,” academics, and media wolves". If only he'd bothered to read the critically piece the way he does with articles he disagrees with...

For Hanson doesn't actually say anything about European politicians, academics or media at all. He does talk about European intellectuals and their supposed desire to destroy Israel. This is, of course, rubbish. European intellectuals are divided about the nature of Israel. Some think a 'Jewish homeland' is necessary, in view of the persecution Jews have suffered over the ages. Others think it is a good in itself for every people to have their own state. Again others regard the creation of Israel as a mistake, but one that cannot be reversed anymore. And then there is a minority who believe that a state founded on 'racial' lines will always be a bad thing and who would like to see it replaced with a modern, secular, truly democratic state that would fulfill the original ideal of the early Zionists: to create a shining example of progress in a world gone mad with ethnic, sectarian and political strife.

LGF Watch: blogger approved

While we've been away for a few days (yes, we have real lives, unlike some people we know...) LGF Watch has done the rounds in the blogging world and we've now got a respectable 27 inbound links. Shout out's go to The Mahablog, Dohiyi Mir, Armact Alerts, League of Liberals, Speedkill, Sulliwatch, Cleavelin, Norbizness, Fando, Bertram Online, and Sick of Bush blog.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

"Mooooaaaan! LGF watch won't let me write comments on their site."

What is a moonbat?

According to Samizdata, which claims to have coined the phrase, a barking moonbat is "[s]omeone on the extreme edge of whatever their -ism happens to be". A moonbat would therefore seem to be a milder version of a barking moonbat, in the same way someone who is mad isn't quite as mad as someone who is barking mad. But they're still mad - or moonbats, as the case may be.
Charles Johnson likes calling people moonbat; Crossfire host Paul Begala, for example ( Or anyone else whose opinion he disagrees with. The term moonbat produces 642 matches on a site search of LGF. Anyone suggesting Johnson's use of the word is getting slightly inflationary would certainly get slapped down. And called a moonbat.

Barking, if you ask us...

LGFers tie themselves in knots

Charles Johnson and his creepy minions are worried that LGF Watch might be distorting what is actually happening on their site ( Nothing could be further from the truth. We are simply picking out the best bits and holding them up to the light for everyone to see. We would also dearly like our readers to be able to visit LGF and see what goes on there for themselves, which is why every item had links, and there was a link to the front page of the LGF weblog in the links section on the right. However, Charles Johnson doesn't seem to want people to read his blog. Why else would he be redirecting all traffic to the Israeli Defence Force website? URLs for LGF are now displayed in full, for you to copy&paste into a new browser window and find out what's happening on LGF.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

LGF under scrutiny

Charles Johnson can't handle criticism. It's been just under two weeks since this blog was set up and already Johnson is redirecting all traffic (ie all links) from here to LGF onto the Hebrew language version of the Israeli Defence Force website. So, while Johnson is happy to link to other websites and brand them 'idiotarian', 'terror supporting' and hypocritical, he won't let others link to his weblog and criticise him.

Looks like a clear case of double standards to me. What do you say?

To avoid our readers finding themselves on the IDF website every time they click on a link to the Footballs, we have replaced the links with the relevant URLs in bold. Simply copy & paste these URLs into your browser to find out what it is we're commenting about on the LGF website.

LGF hypocrisy: death threats

Charles Johnson doesn't like people who issue death threats ( He complains bitterly when someone on Metafilter wishes he were "hit by a bus" (not exactly a death threat, more of a death wish, but semantics never really bother Johnson). What he doesn't seem to have a problem with is people on his own weblog ( issuing death threats against young Arab women.

Hypocrisy? You be the judge.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Charles Johnson gets libel happy

Charles Johnson, king among the Lizardmen, is contemplating suing Indymedia( for a satirical article on its open-posting newswire alleging he had been arrested for paedophilia.
The Indymedia article is in bad taste and, depending on the libel law you apply, clearly defames Mr Johnson with the claim that he "was charged with 3 counts of Sexual Interference, 2 counts of Invitatian to Sexual Touching, and 1 count of buggery".
However, while Charles is keen to protect his own reputation against defamatory lies, he apparently has no problem hurling accusations at his own enemy. In his latest outburst (, he accuses AP journalist "Charles J. Hanley and his employers at the Associated Press [of being] very clearly, on the side of the jihadis". Basically, he is accusing them of supporting attacks on US troops and international and local civilians in Iraq. One wonders what AP might have to say about this? Or are such accusations protected under the First Amendment...?

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Departing slightly from the usual format, here is an interesting article written by Kurt Nimmo on Counterpuch, in which he argues that while it is OK to defend someone's right to express their Christian fundamentalist opinion in the US, saying anything negative about Zionism will immediately get you branded a racist of the worst kind, to be shunned by all right-thinking people.
Since this is common practice on LGF, I would be interested to know how LGFers respond to the accusation that they are hypocritical with regard to free speech.
Take, for example, Charles "Moonbat" Johnson's regular defamation of peace protesters as terrorism supporters. How does he reconcile this kind of unfounded slander with his vitriolic attack against those who, in much milder terms, criticise the Zionist project?

Friday, October 24, 2003

LGF hate figure: William Arkin

Charles Johnson likes fundamentalist Christians who rant about a holy war against Islam - especially if they are in a position to initiate one, like top US 'terror fighter' Gen. Boykin. As a result. Mr Johnson doesn't like William Arkin (, the man who exposed the little-known fact of Boykin's religious zealotry to the world. And he also doesn't like him because Arkin works for the LA Times. Mr Johnson doesn't like anyone at the LA Times.
According to Johnson, Arkin "is a far left anti-military activist". That description is perhaps a tad uncorrect, in view of the fact that Arkin was himself a soldier and continues to speak to the US military. As for him being far-left, well, anything left of Mussolini seems to be far-left to Johnson, so that ad hominem is kind of superfluous. We know that everyone you don't like is "far-left" Charles. Far, far left. And that is BAD, right? Left is BAD.

The world can be so simple sometimes...

Sunday, October 19, 2003

LGF hate figure: Howard Dean

Charles Johnson doesn't like Howard Dean, one of the Democratic candidates for the 2004 US presidential elections. He doesn't like him because Dean is a Democrat, because Dean has some interesting ideas that don't quite fit into Mr Johnson's neatly boxed understanding of politics, and because Dean gets clapped at Arab-American conventions. Quoting an article ( from the right-wing Washington Post, Mr Johnson finds that the reason why Dean got clapped at the convention was because he wasn't Jewish. A bit simplistic. But reducing things to the simplest explanation is always a useful way of supporting your own point of view.

Friday, October 17, 2003

LGF supporting the unsupportable: Lt. Gen. Boykin

Charles Johnson is convinced ( that the media attention given to William "Jihad" Boykin is the result of a loony-left plot. According to him, Boykin never used the term "Jihad", but the LA Times quoted him as having used it. Mr Johnson never offers any explanation for how he knows Boykin didn't use the word. He also fails to mention the fact that Boykin believes God voted in Dubya, not the American people (we'll that explains a lot) and that the crusade against terror is a crusade against "Satan". Find out more about what Boykin said on NBC.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

LGF libelling the dead: Rachel Corrie

Charles Johnson believes in freedom and justice. He stands up for the oppressed and cheers those who stand up with him. Except, of course, if the oppressed are Palestinian, and those standing up for them have been murdered by the Israeli Defence Force (IDF). For them, Mr Johnson has nothing but contempt ("I hope Corrie’s parents are very proud of their daughter’s evil legacy.", despite never having met them, not understanding what happened, and simply parroting what he read in the Wall Street Journal.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

LGF hypocrisy: Advocating Murder

Charles Johnson is outraged ( over a discussion on the Guardian's message boards in which someone seems to have asked whether it isn't time to assassinate George II. Apparently such a suggestion is free speech too far for Mr Johnson.
Luckily, he doesn't have to worry about any such ideas being proposed on his website. Or does he? A recent poll ( on LGF (with the question and answers presumably set by Mr Johnson), seems to suggest that most LGF readers think the way to deal with Yasser Arafat is to kill him.
LGF, the website for hypocrits.

LGF hate figure: Michael Moore

For want of any proper arguments, Johnson attacks Michael Moore ( by swearing at him: "bloated bestselling author", "keep a vomit bag handy", "bulging, scraggle-bearded conspiracy freak". Funny, that last comment coming from Charles Johnson, conspiracy peddler that he is.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

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