Little Green Footballs

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Fisty Takes A Drink (UPDATED BELOW)


SCENE: An apartment. Somewhere in Tennessee. Swaying over his laptop, Chuckie's most loyal lizard, "Iron Fist", pecks at the letters jumping around on the keyboard, between gulps of Aftershock and Colt 45...

Iron Fist 3/08/08 5:19:42 pm
OT, but for thise interedted 
Could have been a dwi, I went diown to the tatto o parlor. Someone complained abiut my parking, Cops show up, start to be a dick. I'm polite, everyone is polite, I get drivrn home.
I'm not drunk, but it is better to play along, ridre home, and pick up the car in the morning. Works for me.

Being questioned by other lizards as to the wisdom of his plan, to get shit-faced and tattooed (and who knows what else?) and then to drive his hot PT Cruiser home, Fisty says:
Iron Fist 3/08/08 5:41:47 pm
re: #32 snow 
crash, 
Iwas never danderous. I jihad less than fifteen miles to travel. 
Imsured and reddy, 
Jihad cowboy

Jihad WOO-HOO!!! Damn, what a fine fine fifteen minutes that would have been, Fisty's ride home, Southbound on the Northbound side of I-65, the green football freshly tattooed on his forehead... Damn those cops anyway:

Iron Fist 3/08/08 6:51:22 pm
re: #52 Cognito: Just curious: Did they do a breathalyzer, or other tests
No.
Simpli how the cop had a fit I wasn't drunk, but the cop would have deter mimed me as such. He gave me an out, and I took it, I get an inconvenience. Big deal. Ill go get my car tomorrow,
Cop gets to push around tattoo people. Big Deal

No, Mr Fist. Cops got to keep a drunken lunatic off the Nashville rush-hour streets. Your compatriot "lizards" at LGF seem to think your foolishness merely amusing. We here at LGF WATCH implore you to get help and stop drink-driving before you injure or kill someone.
Charles 3/08/08 5:57:51 pm
Um, Iron Fist? I think it may be time for you to obey your own rule. If you know what I'm sayin'.

Charles has nothing to say about Fist's drunken driving (clearly he was bombed when he parked the PT on the sidewalk), but is concerned about Iron Fist posting while drunk. Fist ripostes:

Iron Fist 3/08/08 6:09:58 pm
re: #126 Charles,
Im not to drunk to post, but to wilde to post.
Trying to retraign myself,


For some reason, the room is going round and round. Iron Fist squints into the Aftershock bottle. All gone. He types a last missive...
Iron Fist 3/08/08 6:34:28 pm
Dead I am the sky 
watching angles cry 
AS THEY SLOWLWY TURN 
CONCURING THE WORM

...and topples slowly off his stool and crashes to the carpeted floor, where he lies drooling until dawn...


UPDATE: 

There is some historical significance to Iron Fist's drunk-commenting: it has caused huge headaches for Charles in the past. Years ago, CJ was BFF with Evariste of Discarded Lies where some of the smarter lizards would hang out and sometimes say things there that would piss off the guns-n-flags lizards at LGF like Ol' Fisty. Anyway, let Evariste explain what happened when Fist got drunk one night and fell into the not-too-tender hands of a roving "Reptile Clean-Up Squad" and how it led to a terrible breach between CJ and Evariste, and an actual DE-LINKING by Charles!!!! (Thereby depriving LGF of it's think tank), a good thing, really. 

Evariste, on his blog: 
evariste
Sean, sorry this is so tediously long.

In roughly the order that events happened:

-Early in the history of this blog: We took a comment left by a "point of order" here and turned it into a guest post, because it was a good follow-up to another thread we'd done. The thread we did was an explanation of why we don't like to delete and ban commenters. Her post was from the perspective of someone often accused of being a troll. For context, "point of order" was known as "View From Ireland" on LGF and was very heavily disliked there.

-Immediately afterwards: Someone named justdanny who used to post here a lot threw a huge fit over what was apparently an act of treason in publishing point of order's post. He used to be a great friend of ours, from the beginning of this blog.

-Several months later: LGF was under a denial of service attack. We invited Charles to post on Bloggie and he accepted the invitation and treated it as LGF-in-exile. All the LGFers spent the day commenting here, then went home the next day once LGF was fixed. It was a hectic experience, but fun.

-Meanwhile, in Alternate Universe B, a character named Iron Fist from LGF, a bit of a blowhard who liked to brag about guns, strippers, and a predilection for violence, went over to some liberal website (George W Bush Will You Please Go Now, GWBWYPGN for short) to troll, and didn't get the experience he was reckoning for. Apparently some commenters there had been following his LGF career very carefully, and they exposed him as a liar based on some story he told on LGF about shooting his best friend dead.

-Weeks after that: Lawrence Schmerel, a harmless commenter on LGF who mostly posted weird jokes, came to Bloggie to complain about Iron Fist harassing him. Apparently, IF thought LS was the ringleader of the people at GWBWYPGN who exposed him, so he hounded him mercilessly every time he showed up at LGF. Everyone else who was sick of Iron Fist's shenanigans (including me) posted about it on that thread, and it turned into a huge long messy fight that dragged on for weeks. Iron Fist posted there under several assumed nicknames. Charles posted too, but not about the Iron Fist stuff, he was friendly and he just wanted to clarify that he was heterosexual (I'm not sure who brought this question up or why).

-Meanwhile in Alternate Universe C, Charles had been getting obsessive emails, for many months, from at least two people who hate us.

-Weeks later: we notice Charles has delinked us without saying a word to us about it, and post a thread pointing it out and asking why. I emailed Charles and he said it was because A. we published the hated VFI's post, and B. he didn't appreciate the Iron Fist thing.
Really, it's not surprising that Charles is a lot more scared of Fisty's drunken posting than concerned about him going on a drunk-driving adventure. 

9 comments:

ChenZhen said...

The topic of the thread in question was "A Stalker Posting With My Name (Again)"

I had the exact same issue, and my guess is that a rabid LGFer had something to do with it. Ironic, I suppose, but their episode is a lot less likely to fool anyone because it's fairly well known that Charles has put himself above posting on other sites.

Neocon Killer said...

I expect nothing less from an idiot naming himself after an obscure 70s comic book character. Iron Fister is most likely an obese 40 year old white virgin still living in his parents basement.

arik's hamster said...

I. Ron Fisted is my favorite lizardoid ever!

(sorry pammycakes)

His favorite weapon is fire!

FIRE!!

HAH.

Sura 109 said...

Charles 3/08/08 5:57:51 pm
Um, Iron Fist? I think it may be time for you to obey your own rule. If you know what I'm sayin'.


For them wot don't know what Chuckles is talking about, the Iron Fist Rule is something like this: "If you think you might be too drunk to post, then you are too drunk to post."

Anonymous said...

Nice of Charles to worry about him posting while drunk rather than driving while drunk.

Alexis said...

I beg to differ on one point. The lizards at Recycled Lies are no smarter than the other lizards. They're just a bunch of monsters based in Chicago.

Neocon Killer said...

What was he drunk on? Diet Pepsi?

The Poster Formerly Known as Gordon said...

Well, the whole Discarded Lies/LGF breakup was not noticed by the Nodrog during my epic stay at LGF, so I don't have any further information on the subject.

Evariste, if I'm not mistaken, claims to be a Palestinian or Jordanian. Definitely not a Nodrog fan.

V said...

A bit more context: Discarded Lies started out as "LGF Watch Watch," then one day they decided that LGF Watch wasn't worth watching anymore.

Apart from providing a haven for notorious genocidal maniac "Bigel," it's pretty innocuous. These days it's mostly reminiscent of Heathers.