Little Green Footballs

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Urine a lot of trouble now

Here's our little contribution to the nascent genre of "Incontinence-Themed Warblogger Disco Parodies."

I Want Depends®
(Sung to the tune of I Will Survive)

I'm constantly afraid, I am petrified,
Keep thinkin' we can never live with brown folks by our side,
And I spend so many nights thinking "where did it go wrong?"
And then I fret,
And I feel my undies gettin' wet,

So then one day, I figured out,
To keep my chair dry, there's just one thing that I cannot live without.
I should have done it months ago,
I should have grabbed 'em off the shelf,
If I'd known it would have been so easy to protect myself!

So here I go, I'm out the door,
Goin' to Walgreens,
Where I know there's plenty more.
There's just so many products for incontinents like me,
Do you think I'll settle
For less than top-notch quality?

Oh, no, not I!
I want Depends®!
My country needs me at my keyboard, 'cause the evil never ends;
Can't interrupt myself to pee,
Though it happens constantly...
I want Depends®,
I want Depends®,
Hey hey!

And now I'm ready for the latest airport scare,
I'm always glued to all the news here in my basement lair;
Got a steady stream of Cheetos, and intravenous Mountain Dew,
I don't need breaks; I can sit here 'round the clock!
So here I am, somebody new,
I'm fighting with my keyboard and protecting you.
Just in case another Muslim tries to get onto a plane,
I had better go stock up before it all begins again.

So here I go, I'm out the door... [etc.]

(With apologies to Miss Gloria Gaynor.)


MJS said...

Maybe we can get the Kidney Stones to sing it...

I can't wait to hear their version of Excitable Boy.


Glen said...

It's a riot, but did you have to pick one of my favorite songs?