Little Green Footballs

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Behold the new new new media!

Having thoroughly failed to set the blogosphere on fire during its first nine months -- the phrase resounding flop comes to mind -- Pajamas Media is re-inventing itself yet again.

Johnson-Simon Inc. have now introduced a new paradigm-shifting sort of thingie that they're pompously calling Politics Central, a new new new (or is it new new new new? we've lost count) media venture which, they promise, will

promote a deeper level of discourse, and [seek] to introduce a consistent tone of civility in our coverage and discussions. In addition, POLITICSCENTRAL will address the environment, which has allowed our discourse to become often crass and frequently thoughtless — that is the environment of knee-jerk polarization and hardened partisanship.

And who is the thoughtful, bipartisan voice of civility that is kicking off PoliticsCentral?

Why, it's none other than our beloved Pammy. Fresh from her recent triumph on Limbaugh's show, whose portly, Viagra-popping, Cuban-cigar-loving host described her as a "babe" to a radio audience of millions, she has produced yet another video missive -- excuse me, "vblog." Herewith, a few choice snippets from this masterpiece of incisive analysis and Talmudic scholarship, as proudly featured on PoliticsCentral's current front page:
Hey! How you doin'? I know... Atlas, vlog me! Vlog me! Where's the vlogs? Well, I'm gonna vlog you. But first, um, I have a spesh-- a special message for Nas-- t-- Nastrallah, Nasrallah, of Hezbullah, or Hamas, or Islamic Jihad, or the Revenen-- Iranian Revolutionary Guard, or Al-Qaeda, whatever hat they're wearing today... This is special, man. This one's for you.

[brandishes photo of women in burqas, sings along to the Pussycat Dolls] Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? [brandishes burqa photo, empty martini glass] Hey! Don't you wish your girlfriend was free like me? Don'tcha? Hey, hey, nostril man!

[...]

You know, I see this Syrian -- You ever notice the Syrian ambassador, and Assad, the chinless, you know, uh, optometrist... Did he even make it to ophthalmology? Nah. He's not even an ophthalmologist. He didn't even make it through medical school. I betcha he's an optometrist. Um, they only come out from under their rock when they're killing the Jews. [attempts Arabic accent] "Oh, why is a Jewish life better than our life?" First of all, who even said that? What are you, hung up on that? [brandishes empty martini glass] Oh, that's right... You're not allowed.

Uh... Why are you all hung up on that? Uh, nobody said that! Don't teach your children death, and maybe you'll feel better about life. [gestures toward aquarium in background] Like my fish tank? 350-gallon saltwater tank? Everything in there is live. Live and uncensored.

[...]

What's with the militants? The Palestinian militants? There's nobody in Gaza! Nobody! There's not an Israeli toenail in Gaza. OK? They're not militants. They are soldiers. OK? When you hear "humanitarian crisis," it's called, it is-- b... it is, it is the buzzword for, "It's OK to kill the Jews." OK? Um, it's unbelievable. And the funny thing is about the media, is that al-Qaeda, and Islamic Jihad, and Islam, radical Islam, has the entire, you know, Arab media, that does and says what's it's told. And, they have our media. And let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen, if you don't think that that is a powerful tool in the arsenal of war, you've got to be crazy in 2006.

Um... for Bush, I [bows toward camera], I, I tip my hat, I say thank you very much for having a spine, thank you very much for standing behind the, in a struggle for, uh, between Good and Evil, [tosses hair] uh, for standing for Good. Because that's what we're talking about. We're talking about a values system, and, um, and the culture of life.

[...]

And, who was makin' out? What two women? What s... sapphic session was goin' on? Arafat's wife and Hillary. See the pictures on my website!

Um, OK Pammy. Whatever you say, dear.

Edward R. Murrow, thou shouldst be alive at this hour.

2 comments:

phleabo said...

What are you, hung up on that? [brandishes empty martini glass] Oh, that's right... You're not allowed.

Never a better object lesson as to why alcohol is undesirable - makes you an unhinged bimbo.

Sporty said...

I think it unfair to call Chuckles and Moseswhine 'uncivil'. Didn't they invent the term?!